Three Reasons Surgeons Make Better Crushes Than Vampires

“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” hits theaters Wednesday, which means it’s time for millions of women to fall into a collective swoon in their Team Edward T-shirts. I will own up to not being one of them. Maybe I’m too old; I saw a clip of some momentous encounter from the previous movie and thought they looked like a bunch of sullen teenagers at a family reunion. I was half expecting one or more of them to pull out a cell phone and start texting.

But I’m not here to slag on the casting or acting talent of the Twilight series; I’m here to make the case that surgeons make better crushes than vampires. And to build that case, I should start with the similarities. What do surgeons and vampires have in common? Blood is the obvious link. Perhaps a less obvious one is how weirdly intimate their activities are. I can’t think of anything more intimate than having fangs puncture your throat, except having the same thing happen with a scalpel. Well, I can think of one other thing, but I don’t want to be labeled as adult content.

Now on to what makes surgeons better crushes than vampires. Reason No 1: Downplaying real drama is sexier than manufacturing fake drama. I’m sorry but glaring at your fake enemies and fake flying through fake treetops don’t count. You want the real thing, try getting wheeled into an operating room or better yet, an emergency room. That’s more drama than anyone could ever want. Does your surgeon glare or snarl or gnash his fangs, er, teeth, to reinforce this? No. He is the essence of calm, which attracts your worried soul like light attracts a moth.

Reason No. 2: Surgeons are not morally challenged. The vampire hero is always fighting against his true nature to protect those he cares about. The vampire villain doesn’t bother, of course, but either way, there’s no equivalent of the Hippocratic Oath. Surgeons, on the other hand, represent the better angels of our nature by healing when they can and comforting when they can’t. Team Surgeon wins this one hands down.

Reason No. 3: The aforementioned blood thing. Vampires want to suck it out of you; surgeons want to make sure you keep it. They’re not trafficking in death, un- or otherwise, but life. And tell me, what’s sexier than being alive?

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15 thoughts on “Three Reasons Surgeons Make Better Crushes Than Vampires

  1. Jackie I love your post! I found you through Grand Rounds and I am so glad I did.

    I do not get the whole Twilight thing either. I mean, what is attractive about the undead?!? Blecch. I guess I am to old to appreciate the sexiness of being attacked by a creature out of a horror movie. Call me crazy.

    But my surgeon! Now that is another story. How could you not love someone who slices you open and does (in my case) all kinds of alluring things to your bones, such as hammering, manipulating, sawing and replacing them?!? Be still my heart. And he looks so darn handsome whilst doing same. Additionally, he provides me with lots of lovely drugs. What’s not to love?!

    Which is why he is called Dr. Wonderful in my blog. Sigh. So much better than a vampire.

  2. Hey Marie,
    Thanks for the comment. I’m glad you liked my post! I had way too much fun with this one. I noticed you found me on Grand Rounds–please consider submitting something when it’s my turn to host. I signed up for August 10 and will post updates/guidelines here in the next couple of weeks.

    P.S. No worries on the typo but I know exactly what you mean. I posted a comment about Dana Jennings’ amazing blog on prostate cancer on Alltop and accidentally spelled prostrate. I hate it when that happens.

  3. I too came from Grand Rounds, and I grinned while reading. I’m not allowed to comment on Twilight by my sister (who has a great husband willing to travel with her to the midnight showings of these movies), and besides, I don’t like talking about fiction I haven’t partaken of myself (so here’s someone else’s take to talk for me). But this post was excellent, and very succesful in showing us who some real-life heros in our midst.

    To make you both feel better: I’ve just committed a few typos/goofs myself, over at the GlassHospital’s Grand Rounds (you can got here to see what I mean). *shrugs* It happens. Thanks for this one Jackie, I look forward to your Grand Rounds.

    • Thanks, Michelle!
      Isn’t it funny how we writing types worry so much about typos. I guess that’s why we’re writers 🙂 Which brings me back to Team Surgeon–I have nights I can’t sleep because I’m wondering if we spelled someone’s name correctly in an annual report. How they sleep at night with their level of responsibility is beyond me.

      I guess they don’t always sleep that well. Check out this post called “Hauntings” by Dr. Wes. It’s, well, haunted me.
      http://drwes.blogspot.com/2010/05/hauntings.html

      • They work with scalpels, we work with words, it is important to both of us to get it right. Although I agree, getting the scalpel part right is probably a tad more significant than dropping an ‘o’. lol

  4. Pingback: A Grand Rounds Celebration! » GlassHospital

  5. Surgeons aren’t morally challenged?

    Anyone who seeks out a career of cutting open his fellow humans has deep issues.

    We doctors may seem nice, but the rivers of passive agressiveness run deep in us.

    • Honestly, what could be more attractive to a neurotic nut like me than someone who is is morally challenged and has deep rivers of passive aggressiveness?!?! hubba hubba

      lol

    • Hmmm. Now that you mention it . . .

      Oh well, humor and sarcasm are also considered passive aggressive tools. So most of us posting here are in trouble!

      BTW do you know how many passive-aggressives it takes to change a light bulb?
      “Gee, sorry I broke it. I guess you’ll just have to sit in the dark.”

  6. Jackie, thanks for posting the link to this through Repost Yourself! If you hadn’t I would have have missed out on this gem. I love the quirkiness of this post and reading everyone’s comments too was fun. Keep up the great work!

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